Ieri è stata una di quelle giornate in cui mi dico che forse avere il fisico della famiglia paterna non è poi tutta questa fortuna. Ho  anche alzato la voce con Ivano (alzato la voce è un eufemismo) e non importa se erano le otto di sera se probabilmente avrebbe picchiato qualcuno e se qua e se là, ci sono stata male tutta la notte. Perchè non è che le cose sbagliate diventano giuste se te le rigiri un po’ nella testa, per me. E non sono capace di dirmi che era l’unica cosa possibile e che il comportamento dell’altro e tutte queste cazzate. Così ho passato la notte a pensare a come posso rimediare perchè se fai un errore l’unica cosa che puoi fare è cercare di rimediare. Però le cose che fai lasciano segni, sarebbe bello illudersi che solo quelle che fanno gli altri a noi li lascino e che le nostre svaniscano solo perchè abbiamo delle attenuanti. Quando tradisci qualcuno, quando tradisci la sua fiducia, è colpa tua. Avrei preferito fosse un altro, non Ivano. la cosa peggiore, quella che non mi ha fatto dormire, è che Ivano non si è incazzato perchè ho urlato. Si è incazzato perchè dopo gli ho fatto una carezza sui capelli. "Non dovevi toccarmi" mi ha detto. E quello che voleva dire è che ok, potevo anche avergli urlato contro. Ma non dovevo fare finta d volergli bene subito dopo e di averlo fatto per il suo bene. I pazzi la verità te la sanno dire con una frase sola.

(post dedicato ad E.)

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